The Sinful Dwarf

 “I have more toys upstairs”, is what Olaf the dwarf says to the first victim of the movie. If your looking for a good, sleazy, xxx-rated film that has a dwarf as the main character, then look no further.  The Sinful Dwarf is a great exploitation/dwarfsploitation flick.  It has hardcore sex, bizarre torture, a drunk singing mother, naked drug crazy girls,  and to top it all off, a perverted dwarf who kidnaps young girls.  Trust me after you see this filthy film you will want to take a shower.

  The movie starts off with Olaf luring a young girl (not really young, the girl looks like she is 25) with a toy puppy that barks and walks around, upstairs to his torture room, where he holds her captive along with the rest of the girls.  His always drunk mother who use to be a performer back in the day, rents out rooms in the building.  One night a young couple needs a place to stay so the mother gives them a room.  Between the loud drunk mother singing and the creepy odd dwarf they want out but spend the night anyway.  They soon realize they made a big mistake by staying.

   Torben Billie plays Olaf, and he does a great job at being the little creep he is.  His drunk mother is just as evil as her son Olaf.  Some of the torture that goes on is not as sick as I thought it would be but it’s still disturbing and bizarre.  And if torture isn’t enough, he has men pay to have sex with these girls.  That’s where your hardcore sex scenes come in. Olaf walks around with a cane, but that’s not all he does with it.  

    The movie is fun, dirty, and flat out funny in scenes.  There are some great lines in the movie and Torban Billie can really deliver them.  It also helps that Olaf looks like Jack Black, that in itself is funny.  I would have to say Olaf is the best midget to come on screen since Luis De Jesus played Ralphus in Blood Sucking Freaks. 

     So, if you’re into good old fashion exploitation sleaze you will enjoy this movie, but if you expect a fast paced movie look elsewhere. There are two versions of this movie on dvd.  One version is a regular copy of the film, no hardcore sex (no penetration scenes).  The other dvd is the full uncut xxx-rated edition of the film, which is the one I watched while writing this review.  The xxx-edition is more expansive and rare then the regular edition.  Get some friends together and watch The Sinful Dwarf, you will have a great time.  With out spoiling the ending, it features one of the most realistic stunts I have ever seen...yes I’m being sarcastic.       

The Lost

“Once upon a time, a boy named Ray Pye put crushed beer cans in his boots to make himself taller.”  The Lost is a powerful and disturbing film about a boy named Ray Pye, played brilliantly by Marc Senter, who one day murders two girls that were camping.  He had his girlfriend Jennifer and best friend Tim cover up the crime.  Some years later, Charlie Schilling, the detective that was on the case, with out coming up with any solid evidence still believes that Ray Pye is the murderer. So he goes around keeping a close eye on Ray and anybody that associates with him.  

    The Movie is directed and written by Chris Sivertson, and man can this guy direct.  The film is based off a book by the same name written by author Jack Ketchum.

Filmmaker Lucky McKee who directed the movie May and The Woods produces this film with his brother Mike McKee.      

    I really have to give it up for this cast, they all play their characters perfectly.  Michael Bowen (Kill Bill, Magnolia) was fantastic as Charlie Schilling. His improv in the movie in some scenes was great.  Marc Senter, who is an amazing actor, played Ray Pye with such powerful force.  Marc Senter was also in Cabin Fever 2 and Wicked Lake and Red, White and Blue where he again gave great performances.  Dee Wallace and Misty Mundae (Erin Brown) had great cameos in the movie, both playing their characters so well.  

    The film is an unstoppable force that spins out of control into one of the sickest most depraved ending to a movie I have ever seen.  From the opening shot to the final frame you will be glued to the screen.  Trust me, at the end of the film you will find yourself in shock in what you have just witnessed.  The film manages to be scary and entertaining sometimes at the same time which is just good writing.   

    I’ve never seen a movie that was so close and faithful to the book until I saw The Lost.  There is even dialogue taken straight from the book.  The ending of the movie was different from the ending in the book, but both endings were really powerful.  You don’t have to read the book before you see the movie since it’s pretty much the same, although the book is a classic and I recommend that you pick up a copy of the The Lost to read. 

    Do yourself a favor and watch The Lost, you will not be disappointed.  You will find that some parts of the film are going to be disturbing.  This film is not a walk in the park, its nasty, filthy, and violent at times, but if you can get past all that I think you will really enjoy The Lost.                    

           

Day of the Dead

George Romero’s third installment in the dead series is not only a masterpiece but its also very underrated.  I don’t understand why this is?  The movie has all the classic Romero elements from the well-written memorable dialogue to the uncut violence to the exceptional characters.  So lets dive into a classic blood soaked zombie horror flick that will entertain and scare you at the same time.

  The movie is outstanding! From the movie score to the zombie make up.  The first zombie you see in Day of the Dead is missing half their jaw and the tongue is hanging out the side of his mouth while he drools blood.  The effect is so realistic looking I can’t figure out how they did it.   Tom Savini does the make up effects in the movie. It’s some of his best work in my opinion.  John Harrison does the score and it’s awesome.  The score gives an 80’s feel to the movie.  Is it as good as Goblin on Dawn of the Dead no, but that doesn’t mean its bad?  

  The dialogue in this movie is fantastic!  George never misses a beat.  The movie is very quotable with such classic lines like “You’ve given us a mouth full of Greek salad.” And “Choke on them! Choke on them!”  The characters do a great job with the script.  A lot of people say there was too much over acting in the movie, I disagree.  Twelve people taking refuge in a missile silo from a zombie takeover is going to make them very stressed out and on edge with each other.  So there is a ton of yelling back and forth but to say it’s overacting is just wrong.   

  Howard Sherman plays the zombie Bub in the movie.  Dr. Logan who is experimenting on the zombies trying to civilize them, studies Bub, who is his most prized specimen.  The performance that Howard Sherman gives as Bud is legendary to horror fans.  He plays him so well that by the end of the movie you want to stand up and cheer for his character.  

  So in conclusion, Day of the Dead is a horror classic!  A worthy addition to the dead series.  If you’re into zombie movies don’t pass this up.  I promise you that you will be very pleased when it’s over.   Another awesome George Romero film, the guy never disappoints his fans, and that’s what makes him great.  

  

Monster Squad

I grew up watching monster squad all the time.  How I wished I could go up on the roof of my house with a pair of binoculars and watch Groundhog Day Part 12 (Plot? Sean its a guy with an axe) at the local drive in.  I would also have really liked a shirt that said Stephen King Rules on it, and be friends with Frankenstein.  But most of all I wanted a monster squad! unfortunately I didn’t know kids my age that were into horror films the way I was into them. 

   Fred Dekker the director/writer (Shane Black also co wrote) of Monster Squad is no amateur when it comes to horror.  He provided the story for the horror film House and House 2 The Second Story, and directed/wrote the classic Night of the Creeps.  As a horror fan I would have to say his best film is easily Monster squad.  Every horror fan can relate to this film, and thats what makes it so great, especially if you were a kid and grew up watching this movie.  It has characters that any horror fan can relate to, classic monsters, and one of the best 80’s montage scenes ever put on film. 

  When I was a kid my Mom would rent me all the Universal monster movies, they were my first introduction to the horror genre.  So when i saw Monster squad for the first time, it blew me away to see all my favorite monsters in the same film.  There was Count Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, Gillman, and the Mummy.

   The performances were all around great.  Duncan Regehr who played Count Dracula was fantastic and scary as hell (Give me the amulet, you BITCH!).  The great Tom Noonan played Frankenstein perfectly easily a brilliant performance by him.  The kids really did a great job with there characters.  And who can forget the scary German guy, who turned out to be the one person that new how to get rid of the monsters.   

    The late Stan Winston created all the monsters, what a great job he did, every monster came out awesome.  The special effects for this film rocked.  When the Wolfman was blown apart from the dynamite only to reconnect himself back together was a sick scene.  The scene in the beginning were the skeletons are coming out of the ground screaming, would scare the shit out of me back in the day.  

     So in conclusion this film is a cult classic that will live on in horror fans hearts forever, or in Mr. Metzger (school principal) words “I dig it man!”.  I would like to dedicate this review to Brent Chalem AKA Horace (Wolfman got nards!) who died from pneumonia in 1997, i know if he were still alive he would of really liked how popular Monster Squad has become.        

         

    

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  “The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them an idyllic summer afternoon drive became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”.

    The only way to begin this review was to start off with the chilling words of the narrator from the beginning of the movie.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is one of the most disturbing and terrifying films ever made.  The film is so realistic you forget your watching a movie, thanks to Tobe Hooper’s brilliant directing of the film.  The cast is also perfect when portraying their characters.  Jim Siedow as Old Man was really creepy.  Edwin Neal was really strange as the hitchhiker, and Gunnar Hansen as leatherface is iconic.  Marilyn Burns does a fantastic job as the young Sally Hardesty who goes through hell and back in this film.

    Their are a lot of classic scenes in this movie.  One part of the film that was really scary is  when Marilyn Burns is sitting with the Sawyer family at the dinner table.  Just the way that Tobe Hooper filmed that scene with the POV (point of view) shots made you feel like you were the one sitting at the table.  The scene where they are trying to get grandfather to hit Sally over the head with the hammer is torture to watch.  And of course the most famous part of the movie is when Leatherface is dancing with the chainsaw (chainsaw waltz is what i like to call it), it just shows how much of a lunatic he really is.    

    There are some interesting facts about filming of this movie.  The fake knife they were using in the scene where the Sawyer family is trying to feed grandfather didn’t work, so someone switched it with a real knife, and Marilyn Burns was cut on her finger for real.  All the scratches and some of the blood were real on Marilyn Burns body, they couldn't afford a stunt man so when she is running from leatherface through the woods the branches she ran into would scratch her and make her bleed.  Another interesting fact is when Marilyn Burns goes upstairs and runs into grandfather, the corpses sitting in the opposite chair was a real corpse, it was cheaper for them to buy a real skeleton then a plastic one.

    So in conclusion I would recommend this film to anybody, its guarantied to scare you to death.  It’s also fun to watch this movie with someone who hasn’t seen it before just to watch their reactions to it.  So when your finish feeding the grandfather, grab some head cheese sit back and get ready for unrelenting terror that is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 

               

Gutterballs Review

 Oversexed, extreme violence, raunchy, filthy, gratuitous nudity, gross, hardcore, sleazy, pornographic, etc, etc, etc.  The list goes on and on to describe Gutterballs.  When I first watched Gutterballs it felt like I had found an old unmarked VHS tape with an 80’s horror film in it that nobody heard of.  I was flipping out and could not believe that someone perfectly captured what made 80’s horror so great and still be original while doing it.  

    The characters were a bunch of horny, filthy mouthed teenagers and I loved everyone of them.  The performances were dead on and the cast had such great energy, probably the best energy I’ve seen from a group of actors in a while, probably since the movie The Lost.  Ryan Nicholson wrote a great screenplay, and his directing was fantastic.  You can totally tell he knew exactly what he was going for with this movie. 

    The opening titles shows the BBK (Bowling Bag Killer) making his weapons which are bowling pins shaved into deadly spikes, this scene is very close (but not ripping off) the opening titles to Nightmare on Elm Street. The first film that came to my mind while watching this movie was Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. And any of you guys or girls out there that has seen Sorority Babes will get the connection. If you haven’t seen it please do it’s a fun scream queen movie, with spanking, nudity, and an awesomely bad monster.  But lets get back to Gutterballs.  

    The kills in this film a very original and sick as hell.  The one kill that stole the show in my opinion was death by 69, I’ve never seen a kill like that in any other movie.  The makeup effects were very realistic.  Ryan Nicholson, who started out doing make-up effects for X-Files and has two movies under his belt (Live Feed and Torched), does a great job in Gutterballs. 

    There is a rape scene in this movie that goes on for like 15 to 20 minutes and it’s one of the most brutal rape scenes you will ever witness.  Not since I Spit on your Grave and Last House on the left have I been so disgusted by the scene Nicholson creates.  I won’t go into details but the rape ends with a bowling pin going some where a bowling pin should never go. 

    So in conclusion I would have to say this is one of the best horror films I’ve seen from a new director in a long time.  In the past me and my friends would quote Big Lebowski every time we went bowling, but now we quote Gutterballs, yeah it’s that good.  I’m looking forward to Ryan Nicholson’s next films which are sure to be classics one day. There is a Gutterballs sequel on the way called Gutterballs 2: Balls Deep, I can’t wait to see it. Oh, and by the way, when you watch Gutterballs, be sure to have your beer and whores close by.